At first it's broken ribs and lipstick,
all make believe for what's expected.


then nothing.

catch-22

pinpoints of necessity

I've decided to assemble my desk tonight.. or attempt to. I am hoping that I left the necessary pieces inside. My plan is to put it in the greenhouse and give myself a place to write in the hopes of having it be separate from the distractions of the rest of my environment. Just me alone with my plants.

Speaking of which, nearly everything I planted has sprouted/rapidly grown in a few weeks time. Seemingly within no time, I'll have a green oasis to escape to from the otherwise arid landscape or darkened cave I've become accustomed to.

In other news I'm as lost as I ever was in regard to knowing what it is I need to be doing. My life has become pinpoints of necessity marked inconsistently with periods of glorious abandon. I feel not dissimilar to a breached fish gasping, though instead of air I'm convulsing in the absence of reason. Everything I am is in revolt to the current path I'm on, and I'm powerless to do anything about anything except watch time tick by carrying with it what should be my most productive years. Years where I should have been making the most of whatever innate passion, intelligence, attractiveness, creativity, and drive I'd been able to hold onto for such a time. Instead I've been in waiting; living only by a means of constant distraction from the reality of it all.

At least we'd have dreams

If a voice could.
Sinuous as symptoms,
know me; what then does it at all
matter.

plant exploits

Much to my satisfaction, I've managed to sprout both spinach and peas in the greenhouse. Bea and I picked up a bunch of seeds Sunday and I planted the flower portion this morning. There are two beds in the greenhouse, and I've decided to keep one section entirely flowers, and the other entirely vegetables. I haven't quite worked out where it is I'll be planting the veggies, as we probably went a bit overboard in picking them out and may not have the room. I'll try and take some picture tonight or tomorrow and post the progress from week to week.