Tuesday, January 5, 2010

New house

So..... our application was approved.. and we've given our 30 days to our current landlord... now however comes the incredibly stressful task of figuring out how to pay for everything. I'm leaving myself very little wiggle room in regard to finances and I've never been comfortable with not having an exit strategy. I'm filled with too many mixed emotions. Unfortunately as of now, the stress and anxiety over paying and over how to actually move everything is outweighing any sort of excitement. I'm mostly feeling unsure on whether or not this is the right decision. I know that I'll be better off emotionally and mentally with more space to breathe; and in a place that isn't crumbling around me... but at the same time I worry about handling everything myself... I worry about where this decision will leave me financially and how long it will take to recover.

I just feel like I need to do this to convince myself it's possible.. I've been stuck in the house I'm in feeling fearful about disrupting the stability with any major changes.. and feel like that fear is so strong it's clouding my ability to even imagine moving on to wherever it is I need to be next... I can't see through the uncertainty with bravery.

I had prepared myself to move several years ago.. I had all but packed when plans changed.. I think it's left me wounded in regard to feeling like I have what it takes to pick up and leave. So to move even across town may be all it takes to rid me of the fear of change. To rid me of feeling like I need to grip tightly onto whatever stability I can find regardless of the conditions. I'm hopeful of this at least... but clouded by doubt and anxiety...


  1. aww josh! i know its hard. moving is a bitch. and for you i know its different. the whole stuck in the house feeling. you said your dad will help right? and bea is working right? i think you will be happy to move in there. we can help you if you need it. could u ask for a raise?

  2. Here here! I got yo back homie!

  3. Thanks guys :) I'm sure it will all work out... just stressful as feck